Who will apologise for their deaths?

My name is Ziagul. I lost four sons in the war. It was a Friday during Dr. Najibullah’s reign that I lost my eldest, Feda Mohammad. He was on his way to a relative’s wedding when a few men had taken him to the Kabul River and killed him. I still do not know why. My other son, Amir Mohammad was in the Afghan National Army in Logar. One day, when Amir visited a cucumber farm with some friends, a Taliban rocket hit the farm and killed him. He was tall and handsome. When they delivered his body to us, I remember that his legs were hanging from the coffin. Nazar Mohammad was still a child when he was killed. He used to sell cigarettes in Puli Mahmmod Khan area during Mujahedeen’s rule when a rocket hit him and his tiny kiosk. Parwiz was killed in Qarabagh District of Ghazni Province. Their deaths shattered me. I lost part of my memory and don’t even remember the details of my Parwiz’s death. The only thing keeping me alive is my faith and my trust in God’s justice. I worked with the Afghanistan Military School for 24 years. When I retired two years ago and claimed my pension, I was refused it. Even after losing my sons, I didn’t give up working there but they denied any record of my work. After a few months of persistent struggle, they paid only part of my monthly pension. I served this country my entire life and lost all my sons defending this country but who is going to understand my pain and my loss? Who is responsible for my sons’ lives? Who is going to apologise for their deaths? Why is it so difficult to serve and live in this country?